Most people want to try and find someone that they can spend their free time with and even their life. The problem is most people tend to have more bad dates than positive ones and end up spending two years single and virtually buying shares in their favourite type of ice cream.
It just so happens that this doesn’t necessarily have to be the case and people you may initially dismiss could even be perfect for you if you know what to look for.
When you have been single for a while, or even a serial monogamist on the re-bound, you can build higher expectations as you think about all of the bad dates and start to mentally create a mythical ‘super-date’.
We are going to help you break out of some psychological mind traps that may be holding you back from finding your perfect partner.
The problem with thinking you have a ‘type’ is that it limits you to fewer potential mates. You can become too narrowly focused on what you think you should be looking for and miss some really great attributes.
Remove any thoughts along the lines of, “Will this person be accepted by my friends/community/family?”
If this date is a success then you are the person that will be spending time with your date, not the others around you.
When you find the person that is right for you, your loved ones should be ecstatic that this person makes you so happy.
It’s easy to try and change ourselves to fit in with what we think our date might prefer. The issue is this is not who you are. If the person is attracted to this false you then you will at some point revert to your former self, or must change forever, someone is going to end up resentful.
Far too often when we start dating someone we really like, we sacrifice our hobbies and pass-times in order to open up a greater amount of time with them. The fun and excitement of a new partner can lure you away from your hobbies, but you should try to find a balance between your new found happiness and what also brings you pleasure prior to this relationship.
When you are having a great date and you haven’t had one in a while, it’s easy to try to secure a second date by coming on overly strong and being too emotionally open. It can appear needy and at worse unstable, not to mention places a lot of pressure on the other person. Instead understand that relationships develop over time and the gradual process of learning about each other is enjoyable.
On a date the topic of conversation can easily turn to our pasts and potential failed relationship or even life mistakes. People want to know who you are in this present moment and what it is you are doing now. Then you can start talking about potential goals for the future and exciting things that are in the process of happening.
Filed under: Psychology |
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