Welcome to this third in a five part mini series on how to give and develop a more confident speech.
What I am going to tell you today is that it is ok to feel nervous, because that feeling, that chomach… that chomach sturning? That stomach churning feeling inside of us, that puts a fly in the stomach, that is horrible, right? Or is it excitement?
You see, the feeling of nervousness is the firing of your autonomic nervous system and studies have shown that the same response happens when we are excited as when we are nervous. What changes, though, is our perception of what is about to happen. When we feel safe, when we know the outcome that is about to occur is going to be positive, or we believe it to be positive, we call this feeling excitement. And when we feel that it is going to be a bad feeling, a terrible outcome in some way, shape or form, we feel nervous. However, the physiological thing, the thing that is happening within our bodies is the same thing. Isn’t that strange?
So if you can remember, I don’t know, the last time you were on a roller coaster and you had that… that anticipation feeling, if you could freeze frame that feeling and really analyze it within your brain, you start to realize that they are the exact same feeling you feel before you walk out on stage and deliver a speech.
I feel that this is a very freeing concept, because your perspective changes that nervousness into excitement. And as you give more speeches and especially in my early career, the more audiences I got in front of, I realized that I actually enjoyed it. I enjoyed connecting with people. When I got past that nervous barrier, I would still be saying, let’s say, I don’t know, 50 performances in, in front of audiences at the start of my career, I would still be in the wings about to come on to stage and I would have that feeling. My autonomic nervous system was firing, but it wasn’t nervousness. It was excitement. And the only thing that changed was that I realized that I could deliver the information, my script on stage. I could deliver it well and it got a great response. But I did… I did realize that that feeling in my stomach, that churning feeling was exactly the same feelings when I used to feel nervous, when I used to stand in the wings and feel this… this tense stomach, that dry feeling in my mouth, that… that horrible feeling. I would feel that. And then I would go out on stage and I would compound on that, because, again, the nervousness is the negative thought process. I am going to get out there. I am not going to make sense. People aren’t going to be enjoying me. They won’t like my voice. They are going to think I look stupid. And all the other negative self talk that we have.
But it can start with that feeling and it can snowball from that feeling, because while the thoughts are mental processes, the… the physiological response is a real thing that we can feel. So when we feel this real, definite thing happening to our body and it can feel like an attack when it is happening, we can then start that negative self talk in our mind. That becomes so easy to do, because we have this definite physiological response. And then by the time you have walked out to that lectern, whoa, you have … you have fluffed yourself up into a flurry of negative self talk, of bad feelings and you are sweating and it is just not great.
However, if you are at the side of the wings and you realize: Actually this feeling, it is just a feeling, it is just a physiological response and I could enjoy this. I can get out there and I can have a great time. It is my body pumping itself up with energy. It is getting me focused and alert. It is getting my brain fixed on the information and the task at hand. And it is just that I know it is important. That is why I feel this way. And I am going to get out there and I am going to deliver a great speech.
You can start to master that feeling and you can stop that feeling from snowballing into a negative self talk and turn it into a positive spring board where you realize you are going to get out there and that autonomic nervous system, it is a throwback from our ancestral past when it was fight or flight. You realize that instead of running nervous, you can fight strong. You get out there and you will deliver that powerful speech, that strong talk. And people will love it. They will engage with you like they have never engaged before. They won’t believe the transformation in your character.
So it is ok to feel nervous and it is ok to feel nervous because, really, it is just excitement in a mask.
Guys, until part four, take care.